California

Sunday I leave for a conference in Eugene.  Tuesday I leave from Eugene for five days in California.  I need to put Oregon behind me for a while, because it has been treating me poorly these past few months.  There is something in the air of California that heals.  There is so much I want to say, but even more I want to forget.  These trips are my amnesia.

Cobble

 

Faith's cute feet, Valentine's night, Portland. 2010

Dessert

Birbet, Valentine's Night Dinner, Portland. 2010

Prix Fixe

Valentine's Night Dinner, Portland. 2010

Don't look back in anger

Ash, Portland. 2009

Made in Oregon

Ash, Burnside Bridge, Portland. 2009

The brave, brave night

Ash, Portland.  2009

Bathroom philosophers

Dive bar bathroom stall, San Francisco.  July 2009

The in-between

I drove to work yesterday, in and out of patches of thick fog and sunshine.  My mood shifted from dread to hope, and back again.  My life has been in flux for 3 years now, and it shows no signs of settling.  I have a vague idea of what I want out of this life, and who I want to share it with.  But these ideas are like that fog, shapeless and opaque.  Every time I think I find what I want, it slips away once again to the shroud.  I am composed of molecules that are composed of atoms that are vibrating strings, that are stardust.  My direction is unfolding as it has to and I will come to the end that is dictated by the calculus of the universe.  I just wish my calculus would not leave me so exposed, cynical, and scared.

Macadam Avenue

Macadam Avenue, Portland. 2009

One day I will have a home

Secret Neighborhood, Portland. 2009

All the leaves are red

Corbett Avenue, Portland.  2009

Fall is gone, winter is nearly over

View from Portland French School, Portland. 2009

Cheryle

She arrived early, with a bag of clothes and makeup.  She stood about 6'0 in her Oxford heels and made her way up the stairs for our shoot.  Her voice is quiet and feminine, the kind of sound you would expect from someone with much less imposing of a presence.  When we settled in to my studio, we looked through some clothes and picked out a few things to shoot with.  After she changed we wandered my neighborhood and I shot a series of her at the French immersion school down the road.  She walks with a timidity that I find pleasant in women, as I tend to enjoy photographing people who are unsure of themselves, like a baby deer finding its first steps.  We walked to the river, and as she became more comfortable with me, she struck stronger poses.  We laughed at the ridiculousness of 'modeling' but in-between we managed to find some amazing shots.

Back at the studio she changed into something more delicate for our last shoot.  I had this idea to make some photographs of freeze-frame powder explosions.  So I had her sit in front of a black background and prepared her for this by laughing, once again, about how ridiculous the premise was, but how beautiful the picture was in my head.  I covered the studio in paper and tarps, because I anticipated a mess.  I decided to use flour, since it was cheap and plentiful and could be used as an analogue for powder.

I steeled myself with trigger in one hand and flour in the other.  I counted down and threw the lump at her.  All at once a loud "THWAP" rang out, and in a blind dust cloud I thought I had seriously injured her.  It sounded like a large dead fish hitting someone in the face.  I saw her keel over and I got scared.  Then the most amazing laugh started filling the room and I followed.  We cracked up and could not stop laughing for a good five minutes. 

After a few more tries, we started to get it.  I made some amazing photos of this.  We finished up and the entire studio was a wreck with flour.   For the next week I would have to dust and clean every day, as it settled out of the air.  Completely worth it.

A river runs not so far from my home

Cheryle, Portland. 2009

She walks in clouds of complexity

Cheryle, Portland. 2009