The in-between

I drove to work yesterday, in and out of patches of thick fog and sunshine.  My mood shifted from dread to hope, and back again.  My life has been in flux for 3 years now, and it shows no signs of settling.  I have a vague idea of what I want out of this life, and who I want to share it with.  But these ideas are like that fog, shapeless and opaque.  Every time I think I find what I want, it slips away once again to the shroud.  I am composed of molecules that are composed of atoms that are vibrating strings, that are stardust.  My direction is unfolding as it has to and I will come to the end that is dictated by the calculus of the universe.  I just wish my calculus would not leave me so exposed, cynical, and scared.